Clinging to the cross.

Something is wrong.

For the first time in my 21 years of traveling I packed more than 48 hours in advance of my departure. I have NEVER done that. I'm so last minute that you'd think I had a paper due the next morning. Totally freaked myself out. I think it was the only thing I could do to calm my anxious thoughts.

I'm so nervous about flying to Scotland. I don't really know why. The trip is paid for (but not the plane tickets...ha), I found some traveling buddies, I have new music on my ipod, 3 books I've been meaning to read since Christmas, and after tomorrow I'll have my skittles and chex mix. Everything I could need for an 8 hour flight (yuuuuuuck), except for a bed.

BUT...I have no idea what will be waiting for me once I get off the plane. We're landing at 2:45 am Eastern time (7:45...scottish? time). And then we're off on an all day tour of the city and highlands. I'm totally looking forward to it, but I'll be so tired I probably won't remember it. Monday-Friday will be outreach events, but I have no idea what we'll be doing. I don't really know much about this trip. I do know that I'm staying in a hostel, and we'll be talking about Jesus. That's about it. Fear of the unknown. There's a small part of me that wants to just fast foward through this trip and come home. Back to my comfort zone. But that's no way to live. This is truly learning to cling to Jesus. If you had told me I would be flying to Scotland, meeting with a group I'd never met, and helping with a church's outreach, I would've laughed. The fear has been so intense at times that I've been writing Psalms on index cards to carry with me throughout the whole trip. It's been so comforting. I know this is something God is having me walk through, and I know I will be so glad I did it. Letting go of my comfort zone and clinging to Jesus is not easy.

On the other hand, I get to go home in August! Being in North Carolina and working all summer has been difficult. I've had issues with my duplex, my landlord, my professor, support raising...pretty much everything. It has been difficult and so many times I've wanted to run home to lay everything aside and just rest. Plus I get to be a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding....and then I get to finish planning MINE! I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

I have a lot to live for. All I have to do is let go of the fear and cling to the cross.