Creative Writing Post #7

The Many Lives of Cheese

1 1. I can’t eat cheese anymore. Cheese is the carcass of milk. At least I read that in a book once, and now I’m totally grossed out.

2. 2. *Sniff, sniff* ….cheese? Is that you? *sniff, sniff, sniff* Oh cheese, I want the cheese so bad I need the cheese where is the cheese I can’t find you cheese! Where are you you’re my best friend I need that cheese *sniff, sniff, * cheese cheese cheese I finally found you! *SNAP*

3. 3. Um, cheese has like, a billion grams of saturated fat. How in the world am I supposed to fit into my skin tight size zero dress if I eat cheese! It’s like, so bad for you! Isn’t it from a cow or something? Yeah, I think I’m a vegetarian. And I don’t eat things with fat. I will be in that size zero dress and I will be Prom queen! Gosh Ashley, quit trying to sabotage me!

4. 4. The only thing that matter to me about cheese is putting on my cheesehead hat and rooting for my Green Bay Packers!

5. 5. Ah, oui! Le fromage! Oh j’adore le fromage! Oui, oui, oui ! Chaque matin, je prends une baguette avec un peu de Brie. La France a le meilleur fromage dans le monde! Le fromage est très bon avec un verre de vin aussi. Je vive pour le fromage !

6. 6. Ahhh, man ! Who cut the cheese ? Gross, dude !

7. 7. Cheese is my comfort food. I could eat all day everyday! Cheddar, swiss, parmesan, colby jack, all kinds of cheese. Cheese is the key to my heart. Pizza, lasagna, macaroni and cheese, nachos, cream cheese. CHEESE!

Creative Writing Post #6

How to Become a Writer

You will hate writing from the beginning. Absolutely hate it. Your eyes will nearly overflow with tears when you hear the word "essay" slip from the mouth of your high school English teacher. You will whine and moan and throw a fit and write it at midnight, but pull out an A as usual. Your classmates may resent you for it. But you still hate writing. You'll hate it so much that you major in Nutrition once you get to college. You'll soon realize you'd write a thousand and one essays for your high school English teacher if it meant you didn't have to write another lab report. Sometimes you have to go to the dark side to realize you were in the light all along.

Suck it up and accept your destiny. In a whim of spontaneity, switch your major to English. At least you have time to finally take French classes again. Just don't major in French or suddenly you'll find yourself trying to pay your own tuition. Start wearing more scarves and skinny jeans. Don't be afraid to carry coffee to class, either. It can only help. But be prepared to regret everything when you find yourself trapped in a room by the professor with the tight plaid pants and swoopy hair. Take a deep breath...you were never here for the British Lit anyway. Leave that for the thick rimmed glasses and frizzy hair. You just want to write. Get a gig writing for the school newspaper so you can convince your parents you have some kind of future in writing. Damage control like this will frequently come in handy when people give you the "ick" and "have fun being poor" looks after you tell them what you're studying.

Whenever your writing is shared in class, always remind everyone that you wrote it late at night when you were exhausted so everyone knows you can write even better. Whenever you receive compliments, shrug them off like you think your awesome alliteration is no biggie when you really you're squealing with delight on the inside. Always stay calm, cool, and collected.

Most importantly, stick with creative nonfiction. Now no one has to know that you still have no idea what Shakespeare was talking about. Don't let the professor in the plaid pants fool you...thoroughly understanding Chaucer's deep down love of misogyny will get you nowhere but tenured in approximately 7-10 years. No thanks. Someday they'll be reading your works.