#5-(using the list of topics we made in class) write a story/poem/memoir in short sections leaving out information.
August 1, 2000
The flash of lighting and crack of thunder beckoned me outside.
Black, fluffy ash rained in the streets,
The smell of smoke overtook the dry desert air.
The family ran to the car and peeled out of the garage.
The flames were already climbing the hill.
Spectators clogged the streets.
Helicopters dumped water from the nearby lake.
Fire retardant turned the houses orange.
News crews ran through the yards.
Family members loaded the car,
I snatched the photo albums.
Garden hoses were the only weapons.
The orange glow creeped closer.
"It's too late, it leaped the road."
One more quick trip up the stairs.
The orange glow grew smaller in the rear view mirror,
But the fear grew larger.
The night stood still until finally
The sunrise became the only orange glow.
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What a scary adventure that must've been. I thought the words "peeled" "rained" and "creeped" gave it a lot of energy. I like how you ended it with the "sunrise being the only orange glow." Very visual. Good piece.
ReplyDeleteI like the use of strong verbs and adjectives. It really grabs your attention from the beginning. I also like the black fluffy ash, that was interesting and something you wouldn't expect. The whole piece itself if good, but the only line I have a problem with is: News crews ran through the yards. When you read this after reading the rest of it, I just don't think ran is a strong enough word. But those are just my thoughts. Overall, good job and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI like that I am able to visualize everything that's going on in this poem (I think). The imagery is great, as well as the diction because it doesn't leave me with the feeling that the poem was overwritten. The one line that I had a problem with was: "It's too late, it leaped the road." I'm not quite sure I understand what this means. I would maybe suggest rewording it, if possible.
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