Friday, September 3, 2010

Creative Writing question #2

The thick red velvet curtain couldn't hide the sound of shuffling shoes and the smell of buttery popcorn. It couldn't calm my nerves either. I constantly pulled at my tights and retied my jazz shoes in an effort to lose some nervous energy. I resorted to hopping on the old wooden floor. The floor that held memories of some of the greatest performers of all time.

Outside the theater, people were lined up and down the street grasping their tickets and chatting with friends under the flashing lights. One by one the usher led the audience members to their seats with his dimming flashlight. Jingling boxes of M&Ms and seat change requests threatened to outdo the piccolo section as they filled the air of the historic Palace Theater. After a long couple minutes, the last audience member found his seat. The house lights began to dim, casting only a faint glow on the statues lining the walls.

It was pitch black backstage. Too late to run the dressing room for another swipe of the hideously red lipstick. I could hear the low, expectant murmur of the first few rows. Like a sudden gunshot, the orchestra struck their first chord. The stage filled with light as the curtain opened. I counted my three sets of eight. And just loud enough for the few of us to hear, the director stood behind us and whispered, "It's showtime."

6 comments:

  1. I used to be a music major before switching over to English. Reading this brought back a lot of memories. You captured the whole concert experience 100% and how hectic opening night can be. The detail at the beginning of "shuffling shoes and the smell of buttery popcorn" were great. Reading it a second time, I could almost smell the popcorn. I really liked your idea of what the theater looks like. When you mentioned the statues on the wall, I envisioned something from the late 1800s or early 1900s. If it had been longer I would've loved to seen how you would've captured the orchestra's playing

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  2. As the prompt said, you ended with dialogue and probably with one of the most classic statements made before a performance, "it's showtime." I think the quote made the essay more vivid because I envisioned someone saying that to a group of nervous and gittery people who were about to perform. The old wooden floor helped me think about the age of the theater. If the speaker can exclaim that many great performers once played at that particular theater makes this event all the more special. I really liked the imagery and the suspense that was built up in not a lot of words. it was direct to the point but still flowed nicely. there were a couple of missing words which stubbed my reading the first time through but overall, i think you nailed the prompt. my mind's eye was all over the "Historic Palace Theater!"

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  3. Not to sound like I'm copping-out or anything, but I had the same thought Hannah did. Your choice of dialogue is very strong. Or, rather, it strengthens the work. I haven't read enough of your work to know this for certain, but you seem to have a knack for hooking the reader. All the little details, especially the ones to do with the senses, really help to sell your work and make it more realistic. I would like to see this made into a longer work, actually.

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  4. There's so much that is done in this post, yet you make it seem so effortless. From the very first sentence, I am able to paint a picture in my head, and I can feel your nervousness. I can hear the "jingling boxes of M&Ms" and see the "dimming flashlight." I think the last line, as has already been said by others, is very powerful and very appropriate. I would even venture to say that there is no other line that would have fit as perfectly.

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  5. You get the feeling of the electricity in the air from outside of the theatre. It makes us, the reader, interested and makes us want to keep reading. I love the closing line! This is the most perfect line to end!!

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  6. I really like the first paragraph, I could feel the nerves. Good descriptions and very nice wording too.

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